You Could Be Happy
by Hazenator
Summary: Distraught with the pressure of life in Stark Tower, the heart of New York City, and the everpresent dread of "the other guy" taking over, Bruce makes the decision to return to Calcutta and help others where he knows he's able to cope. While the Avengers all are crestfallen of his departure, Tony holds the greatest remorse. Inspired by the song "You Could Be Happy" by Snow Patrol.
1. Madness in my Head

The funny thing about being Tony Stark is that I'm really great at playing things off when things go awry. When Pepper left, I just kept working as if nothing had happened. When the Chitauri attacked, I maintained my composure and ended up saving everyone without batting an eye. However, I couldn't find a way to uphold my demeanor when I said my farewells to the most captivating human being I had ever managed to encounter in my forty-three years of existence.

The military saw him as a potential threat to mankind and/or a subject of study. S.H.I.E.L.D. saw him as a scientist whose areas of expertise contrasted mine, if not emphasized them. The Avengers saw him as a kind-hearted genius who put up a great façade as a controlled human being. Me? I found him simply as a colleague and brilliant individual who had stumbled so haphazardly into my life as he eventually did my heart. It seems that he had just as quickly escaped.

…maybe I should backtrack.

With the Avengers initiative in full swing, the group came to a consensus that remaining in one central location (with the exception of Thor who maintained his post in Asgard while visiting occasionally) would be beneficial for us and I made no hesitation in allowing everyone to move into Stark Tower. S.H.I.E.L.D. had given Dr. Bruce Banner and me copious amounts of assignments to keep us in the ten floors of R&D labs I had, sometimes days at a time. Luckily, not only was his knowledge abundant, but he had a sense of humor that made my behavior that typically drew people away instead keep him close by. While many hours were spent in the lab working, another several we were just conversing about matters that no one else understood about us individually. For once, I found someone who would listen to my babbling but not be humbled by my extravagant existence.

Bruce never really left the tower for anything; the crowded streets (and everything else) made him extremely claustrophobic and, while he was capable of preventing incidents, he was scared to push himself to the limit – not that I can blame him at all. Aside from the occasional mission, Bruce was either in the lab or in his quarters, directly below my penthouse. I assume it was rough being as reclusive as he was with only one real companion (at least I'd like to think that's how he considered me), but he showed no signs of longing for much else. Everyone, including myself, assumed he was content until the night he oh-so casually mentioned wishing to return to Calcutta during dinner with the group.

As soon as the words fell from his mouth, the room became dead silent. Finally, after a few moments, I managed to summon the question "…why?" from my mouth.

He looked at me, then everyone else, earnestly. "I can't take this anymore. Day by day, I dawdle with the technology present and lock myself up with no real contribution—"

"Bullshit!" I cut him off. "You and I are constantly working for S.H.I.E.L.D. to protect everyone—"

"Which I have enjoyed very much, Tony, but 'the other guy' continues to brood under these stressful conditions. The people I had helped still need someone and there are constantly people dying while I waste my potential where it's not nearly as needed!" he continued. "At least in Calcutta I could walk outside without the swarms of people asking why I destroyed Manhattan, at least when I was under stress it was manageable and for a good cause!"

At this point, the table grew silent. Frustrated dealing with the fact my best friend had made up his mind and that I couldn't change it, I left to my floor and remained in my room for the rest of the night.

* * *

I stayed up there for two days, blocking all access for anyone to come in or contact me. In retrospect, it was probably the closest I've ever come to transforming into a teenage girl, but I couldn't find any other way to cope. I stayed at the top of the tower, played Sabbath loud enough for the entire tower to hear, drank my entire bar dry, and attempted to fathom a life without Dr. Banner by my side and why I just couldn't let him go. Even when Pepper left, I still carried on with my work and showed no visible sign of depression, despite losing one of the greatest friends I had ever found. The second night, JARVIS informed me that Bruce was insistent to see me and I reluctantly let him up.

He walked into my living room and I admit I had probably looked better before - unshaven, wearing the same shirt from the nights prior, clearly unshowered, eyes red and swollen from lack of sleep and surplus of tearful fits. Bruce, however, looked the exact opposite in one of his many purple button-ups and grey trousers with his hair only slightly messy, though that was commonplace. This was rather strange, though, at ten o'clock on a Friday night for him as he was usually disheveled from work with bloodshot eyes from lack of sleep and a five o'clock shadow that suited him well. I gave him a questioning look and he countered with a sad smile. "Director Fury has granted permission for my departure. Romanov has insisted everyone go out for drinks tonight since Rogers is leaving tomorrow on duty and my departure date is Monday." He looked me in the eye, sitting on the couch adjacent to the one I was sprawled across. "I'd invite you to come along but it looks like you've had your fill," he smirked.

I shrugged. "I've felt worse thanks to college and Afghanistan."

Bruce chuckled. "I just came up to let you know when I'm leaving in case there was anything else you needed my assistance on."

"Nothing outstanding, I wouldn't really know since I haven't checked since Wednesday." I ran my fingers through my dirty hair.

His gaze fell to the floor. "Look, I'm sorry I was so sudden about all this. It hadn't really occurred to me how much I needed to leave until quite recently and I didn't want to upset you—"

"Yeah, well you did," I interrupted. "And as your partner and comrade, I can't permit you to leave—"

"—Well, that's not up to you, is it?" he snapped. We both grew silent as I sat up and looked him dead in the eyes. I bit my lip and began to say something when he continued. "And there's nothing you can say or do to change my mind. Tony, I'm not happy here. You're the only person who I've let into my personal life this much since I returned, I'd expect you to understand this more than anyone else…"

It was my turn to stare at the floor, head hung low as I realized he was right. "I just don't think I could ever prepare for this…"

He got up and sat next to me, placing his arm around me in a half-hug. "I know, Tony. But until I've made peace with myself I can't keep pretending I'm okay here."

I laid my head on his shoulder, my forehead touching the crook of his neck. This was the closest he had ever let me come and I was grateful he hadn't pushed me away, something he would have done with anyone else. His scent was fresh, clean, and slightly musky yet I smelled no cologne on him. This was the first time I'd ever taken it in and I was almost envious of the women he had been with before who got to absorb his scent countless times. For a second, I wondered if that was what everything of his smelled of and I made a mental note to investigate this later on. I shut my eyes, savoring the feeling and praying to whatever God there was (if he existed) to make this moment last forever. Finally, I spoke. "How are you getting to Calcutta?"

"Fury's arranged the flight—"

"JARVIS, arrange for the use of the jet to Calcutta on Monday at noon," I commanded my AI. I was having nothing but the best for one of my closest friends, even if that meant one last lap of luxury on the way to a third world country.

"Right away, Sir," JARVIS responded.

Bruce pulled away from me. "You know you don't have to do that—"

I interrupted once again "I know but I don't care. I know you're uncomfortable in the helecarrier and the only person who should be seeing you off certainly isn't a group of heartless military zombies waiting for you to snap."

He nodded reluctantly. "You have no idea how much this means to me."

I shrugged. "It's what friends are for."

"Sir, Miss Romanov has requested you and Dr. Banner's presence immediately."

"Shit, the get-together," Bruce mumbled.

I grinned. "I thought you hated going out in New York City."

He smiled, hand on my shoulder. "I'd definitely be more comfortable if you came along."

I looked at Bruce incredulously. "Of course you would." I sighed. "JARVIS, inform Natasha we'll be down in fifteen minutes."

The rest of the night was rather uneventful. I showered, trimmed my beard, and put on one of my many Armani suits before joining Banner and everyone else downstairs. We reserved the entire VIP lounge at a club close by so no one but us could bother Bruce. We drank, reminisced, watched Clint and Natasha dance and commented on how oblivious they were to the sexual chemistry they held, and overall enjoyed ourselves. Despite it all, I couldn't keep my eyes off of Bruce across the table from me. A few hours later, Bruce decided he'd had enough alcohol and was too tired to stay out anymore and announced he was heading home. I joined him, not wanting to end the night just yet.

We returned to Stark Tower and decided to pull an all-nighter in my penthouse watching old horror movies and making fun of the scientific inaccuracy. However, Bruce seemed to fail to comprehend the concept of an all-nighter and was knocked out before the first casualty in Evil Dead, sprawled across the couch as I sat on the plush rug in front of it. I turned and recognized his blissful form with his eyes shut and expression serene, a rather rare occurrence.

Normally, people tend to look rather odd when asleep, but not Bruce. His mouth curled a little upwards in a sheepish grin, the same grin he would give when complimented on his work or when I said something incredibly stupid – not a snarky expression, but almost an "are you serious?" kind of form. It was almost soothing, knowing this man could find peace somehow amidst the constant stress of holding back the monster within; the monster who had saved my life.

It commonly stumbled into my mind that this "mindless beast" (as Loki put it) had somehow managed to set aside his destruction and chaos to seize my freefalling form and revive me from unconsciousness with an almighty roar. Bruce frequently noted how much of a curse this ginormous green rage monster was, ignoring the fact that I never would have survived the fall had he not existed. Heh, I guess you'd say he was my savior with a hamartia, my Byronic hero.

At the same time, it left my mind to wander about the motive behind such a kind act from such a rage-fueled creature. A small part of my mind wondered if Bruce's good side had come out for a moment, or maybe (just maybe) his affection toward me had rubbed off on the Hulk himself. Then I would shake it off as a stupid idea, since Bruce and I were both heterosexual males who, while capable of compassion, were not affectionate toward each other (because, let's face it, that's pretty gay).

Then again, Bruce hadn't really mentioned any attraction toward females in our two years of friendship…but that's beside the point. However, I couldn't help but smile even when I caught myself staring at the man asleep on my couch for an extended amount of time. Somewhere inside my chest, I felt an ache sweep across as I attempted to visualize life without this wonderful person in my life. He was a genius with the kind heart I lacked and a sense of humor great enough to tolerate my antics, and therefore my best friend.

I sighed, noting the fact it was just a little past two in the morning and that I hadn't slept in two days and that I would probably benefit from it. I got up and grabbed a blanket from the couch next to me and proceeded to lay it upon the sleeping form facing me. As I turned, I felt a hand graze mine and I looked to behold Bruce's unconscious self yearning for me, it seemed.

While I hesitated for a moment, I decided I didn't give a shit how gay we'd look, I was cuddling with my best friend because I'm Tony Stark and I do whatever the hell I please. I turned off the lights and crawled atop Bruce, laying my head on his chest and falling asleep with his arms wrapped around me.

* * *

The next two days passed like seconds and before I knew it we were thousands of feet above the Indian Ocean after seventeen hours of flight, a mere hour or two from our destination. We spent the long flight discussing various matters from good memories to the newest modifications to Stark Tower to how to persuade Captain Rogers to lose that godforsaken spangly suit – anything but the fact we'd have to depart from each other sooner than I could ever wish. I took the opportunity to absorb his presence, his smile, the feeling deep within me that only conversing with him seemed to bring. Those beaming brown eyes that stared into mine made it feel, even if only for the moment, that we were back in the lab jabbering on about miniscule matters.

However, soon enough, I felt the cabin pressure change along with the altitude and we were landed on a runway in Calcutta. As the jet refueled, I walked alongside Banner down the steps onto the runway for what felt like a somber eternity. Then, time stood still as we stood before each other, looking into each other's eyes and exchanging sad smiles.

"…well, Tony, you've got a plane to catch. The world needs saving and you forgot to pack an Iron Man suit."

I chuckled. "I've got the mk7 stowed in the fuselage, in case the 'other guy' decided to grace me with his presence."

Bruce smirked. "You've always maintained faith in my self-control capability."

"Well, I am a genius."

He gave me that sheepish smile that had recently begun to make my heart flutter like a teenage girl's before wrapping his arms around me in a warm embrace that I shamelessly welcomed. We pulled our heads back from each other's shoulders and looked at each other and suddenly the urge to kiss him was everpresent in my head as our faces were mere inches from each other and my eyes lowered to Bruce's soft-looking lips.

Bruce was the one to lift his head and pull away. "You'd better get going, you've got a long flight ahead of you…"

"…indeed," I noted apathetically.

"Really, I could have gone alone. You didn't have to join me."

"Actually, I kind of did."

He nodded, understanding that I came along with him more for myself than anything else. "That's beside the point. I've gotta head to town, I'm really jetlagged."

"Yep," I noted equally as apathetically. If I could have, I would have stayed there forever with Dr. Banner, but I finally understood that this wasn't necessarily something he wanted, but needed. "I guess I'll see you soon, then…"

Bruce smiled one last time. "Save my room for me, Stark. At least make sure Romanov and Barton don't step foot near it."

I grinned. "I gave them their own floor for that specific reason. Just…" I hesitated. "Just don't hold back whatever you came here to do. You're so incredibly smart and passionate and, if you're gonna stay here, make sure everyone here benefits from it like I know you want them to."

He nodded. "Goodbye, Tony," he said, voice faltering as he reached for my hand and shook it, our hands lingering together a few moments longer, before heading to the car on the runway that would take him into town.

"…goodbye," I said almost too quietly for even myself to hear and I climbed the stairs back onto the Stark jet. As I took my place back onto the couch in the fuselage, I noticed that Bruce left his jacket on the arm of it where he'd been sitting. The entire flight back, I found myself asleep with my nose buried within it.


	2. For the Tiniest Moment

Sixty-four days. It had been sixty-four days since I had climbed aboard my personal jet and left my best friend in Calcutta so he could find what I couldn't give him. Despite my heart feeling as if it had been ripped from my chest, I still was able to work normally…for the most part. I couldn't spend more than fourteen hours in the lab at a time before my mind began to wander to the emptiness in the seat at the table across from mine. With the exception of the occasional group meal and meeting, I hardly interacted with the team and was surprisingly silent a majority of the conversations unless it needed my input. The team was heavily concerned, but I dismissed them; it wasn't like I needed anyone to hold my hand.

What they didn't know was that I hadn't been up to my penthouse for more than ten minutes at a time since Bruce had left. I would come up there to grab some items occasionally, but all of my spare time was spent typically on Bruce's floor, watching old test videos he'd taken part in and sleeping in the bed that held his scent so strongly. I found myself in the clothes he'd neglected to pack, wearing his cologne that he rarely used, anything to make his absence even a little less real. One day, I happened to look around his room and found a few photographs he'd had printed off of us on our rare outings together. To say I looked at them a dozen times a day would be an understatement.

Bruce was always busy and the telecommunication systems in Calcutta weren't up to par, despite my offers to build some towers there for him, so our interaction was cut and I tried to understand why. Bruce had said he needed to distance himself from the Avengers life as much as possible, but I didn't think he meant he would cut me out as well. Not that I could blame him, but it certainly didn't make things easier for me (as if this was about me). There wasn't really anything I was willing to tell him, but the sound of his voice somehow brought light comfort to me.

I had finally decided to confront my feelings the same way I confronted everything else: head-on and fearless of the unknown. I didn't define myself as "gay" as Bruce was the only man I'd ever held this sort of affection for, though it was certainly more than an attraction to his looks. No, this was something deeper – something I hadn't felt for anyone but maybe Pepper though her loss was incomparable to how I felt. At least when Pepper left, I could smile and act as the playboy I had been beforehand. Without Bruce, I found myself unable to go out or even leave sarcastic remarks towards Steve during meetings – something everyone had begun to notice. I brushed off their concern, insisting I was okay and that it didn't absolutely kill me not to have Bruce with me anymore. I had always been a rather decent liar.

Sixty-four days (not that I had been counting) since Bruce's departure, and I was an emotional wreck. Christmas passed and New Year's was just around the corner, so I had taken the celebratory liberty of shutting myself in on the floor below my penthouse and seeing how much scotch my liver could handle. I had asked JARVIS to take the next few nights off, forwarding any messages that weren't urgent or from SHIELD for me to deal with when I was sober and concerned about anything but the emptiness in my chest. Unless there was another security breach, no one could come up to bother me without the floor's access code. I was alone; blissfully, unfortunately alone.

It was a little past one in the morning and I was on my third scotch and fourth season of Nip/Tuck. The heavily-falling New York snow was accumulating on the balcony outside and, with the exception of the television and the vibrant glow from my chest, the whole room was dark. I had somehow managed to accumulate every square inch of space on the couch and was on the brink of sleep.

…until I heard a faint beeping that I knew hadn't come from the show.

"Security breach," I mumbled to myself before I remembered only two people knew the access code to this floor. "…no fucking way." I sat up quickly.

The doors slid open and in wandered a disheveled figure that I could hardly make out in the darkness until he hit the lights. He gasped. "Tony?"

My heart felt as if it had stopped, but minus the pain of real cardiac arrest. Time, that usually had a way of screwing with me, stood to a halt. It couldn't be. I looked up to meet familiar brown eyes. "…Bruce?"

His hair was longer than I'd ever seen on him and he had heavy stubble. It actually suited him rather well. His shirt that matched the one I wore hugged his biceps more than it had before - I guessed he'd started working out in his spare time again. The expression on his face probably matched mine: eyes wide, mouth slightly agape with the corners gradually moving upward. Both duffel bags he had on his shoulders fell to the floor. "What are you doing here? Steve said you had shut yourself in your penthouse. I wasn't gonna swing up until your hangover was slightly alleviated in the morning."

"What am _I_ doing here?!" I replied. "You're supposed to be in Calcutta finding yourself and being a good Samaritan and—"

"—and I headed back two days ago and left like ten voicemails. You didn't get them?"

I sighed, lowering my head in resignation. "…no. I didn't. I've had JARVIS forward everything for me to deal with next year. Fuck, I haven't even left this floor the past four days."

Bruce quirked an eyebrow, arms folded over. "Tony, I know you hate the holidays more than anyone in existence and that's perfectly understandable, but why aren't you being a hermit in your own living room?" he inquired, hip cocked to the side as if he were my mother.

I grinned sheepishly up at him. "Well, technically, all of the living rooms here are mine," I began, trying my damnedest to not look like the pathetic waste of flesh I had become and making Bruce's eyes roll in the process. "I got tired of the usual atmosphere so I changed locations."

He gave me that smirk-like half-smile that he had unbeknownst given to me in his sleep. "You couldn't just get your penthouse remodeled?"

I shook my head. "Nope. Too many people. I'm not a people person this time of the year," I said, taking a sip of the drink I'd forgotten momentarily about.

"What's that you're wearing?"

I looked down to remember I had one of his many button-ups on, with a pair of briefs and argyle socks that I'd probably been wearing for two days. "Dry cleaning hasn't come in yet."

He shook his head. "Tony Stark, if I was as narcissistic as yourself I would assume you missed me too much."

"That's irrelevant!" I interjected. "What are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "I missed running water and clean sheets, among other things." He took a few slow steps forward.

I quirked my eyebrow. "What do you mean 'other things'? I thought you got sick of the labs," I said, not wanting to jump to conclusions that weren't there. I stood up, my glass empty and the bottle in the kitchenette.

"The work wasn't a problem so much as who I was doing it for and knowing I was trapped under those conditions. In fact, I loved my job in Calcutta but it was missing a very vital piece of my livelihood…" Bruce looked me in the eyes.

"What are you talk—"

"Look, Tony, I didn't know what I was thinking, leaving when I did. I thought that in order to achieve happiness I'd have to keep 'the other guy' at bay by staying as far away from here as possible. In reality, though, I got to Calcutta and found even more bothersome thoughts than before. Sure, I take great pride in helping as many people as I did, but at the end of the day I still felt…empty." He stepped closer to me, now only a few feet away. "I couldn't point my finger on why I'd be this upset, but then it hit me that, while my anxiety is constant, it wasn't what I was doing that kept me content. It was _who _I did it with." He came even closer, his hands warily moving to my arms and eyes focusing on mine. "While Calcutta was a great diversion from your favorite rage monster, it didn't fill the void I unintentionally created in the process."

I bit my lip for a split second to gain composure. "Bruce, there's something I need to discuss with you," I said lowly before I closed the space between us and pulled him into an embrace I'd longed for since our last few minutes together. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me tighter as I buried my head in the crook of his neck and inhaled subtly his warm scent that I'd clung to like a vice the past few months. Tears sprung from my eyes and my breathing became ragged. I felt his hands lower from my shoulders to my lower back, pulling me even closer. Suddenly, it all became clear to me that, while I felt weird missing Bruce the way I did, the feeling was mutual and I thought quickly to confront it.

He pulled his head back and I mimicked him. His brown eyes that matched mine so well focused on mine before drifting a little lower. "Tony, I've done so much thinking and I'm so scared I'm wrong—"

"Ssshhh…" I interrupted him like always. "If my hypothesis is correct as per usual, you aren't." Before he could say anything, I took a chance and closed the space between our lips by gently pressing mine to his. I was right, his lips were just as soft as I had imagined (awake and asleep). I heard what sounded like a faint moan and felt him ease into the kiss, pulling me even closer. I took the opportunity to move my hands farther up to intertwine my fingers in his longer hair, which was surprisingly soft and clean for him just coming back from a third-world country. I decided to take it a step further and cautiously run my tongue along his lower lip, subtly begging for entrance. Bruce made no hesitation and slowly opened his mouth to let his own tongue play with mine carefully, meticulously, as if pinpointing the perfect ministrations to make my heart race more than it already was. My hands drifted from his hair to his face, palms running along the stubble that had developed and cupping his jaw to tilt it to the optimal angle for flawless execution of a kiss so wonderful that I didn't even want to stop and breathe. Once again, time stood still and I was perfectly fine with that.

Eventually, though, oxygen began to become a higher priority of access than oral contact and Bruce pulled away to gasp for air and give me a look that set my whole composure on fire. "Tony…" he began, panting.

"Yeah?" I said, heart racing a thousand beats per second.

"I need a shower," he said, as innocently as can be.

I chucked. "You know where it's at. You hungry?"

Bruce shook his head. "No, I'm just really jetlagged. What're you watching?"

"Nip/Tuck," I said. "It's not that horrible. It's actually surprisingly convincing for a medical drama, I think you'd like it."

He nodded. "Well, you'll have to fill me in a bit, but I'll go ahead and give it a shot if you don't mind me sleeping on my own couch—"

"—_my_ couch."

"Tony, you're impossible," he gave an exasperated sigh, grinning. He pulled from our embrace and opened a duffel bag to pull out some boxers and a shirt. "I'll be out in a little, don't start the next episode without me."

I smiled. "I'll just start at the beginning so you can get a real feel for it and let me know if the surgeries are realistic."

He nodded once more. "I can't wait," he said, walking down the hall to the bathroom. Moments later, I heard the shower running and took the opportunity to clean the area up, carrying his bags to his room and grabbing a blanket as well before making popcorn, even if it seemed a little middle-schooly.

The rest of the night was uneventful but blissful at the same time. Bruce laid across the couch and I joined him, this time unhesitant to get as close as possible with one hand in his hair and the other on his chest.

"Tony?" Bruce asked quietly.

"Yeah?"

"That evening when we went for drinks with everyone…" he began. "…and I woke up the next day and you were just like this."

My eyes widened as I looked up at him. That morning, I could have sworn I'd left before he awoke. "What?"

"Yeah. I didn't want to wake you up. Anyway, I almost didn't go."

"Didn't go?"

"I could have stayed like that forever," he almost whispered. "But I was so afraid of confronting you about it that I just played it off like nothing had happened…much like you."

I lowered one of my hands from his hair to his cheek. "Hey, don't worry about it now. I wanted so terribly for you to stay," I said, "but I wanted you to stay on your own terms. You needed this, Bruce, and all I care about now is the fact you returned."

He smiled. "I remember the night I decided to come back so well. I…I was looking for a clean shirt and found one of your tees that I may or may not have stolen." He blushed a little but continued. "Something inside just snapped. Your scent…the 'other guy' seemed to miss it just as much as me. It took everything I had to relax and I knew I couldn't just keep—"

I cut him off with a kiss, which he didn't seem to complain about, before pulling a mere centimeter from him. "I know, Bruce. I haven't slept in my own bed since you left," I admitted. "Just…never again."

Bruce nodded, understanding completely. I turned my focus back to the television as the second episode came on. I laid my head back on his chest, the steady heartbeat and rise-and-fall lulling me so slowly. I hadn't been this tired in months.

By the middle of the episode, I looked up to see Bruce's eyes beginning to flutter closed, which gave me the peace my heart had been longing for so long. "Tony…" he mumbled.

"Yeah?" I replied, my eyes growing heavy as my head rested on his chest naturally.

He gave me that half-smile once more. "I love you."

It was my turn to smile.


End file.
